What are the chances of a man getting married at 35? Five myths about marriage after thirty
Bride aged 35 and more can be safely considered a happy woman, wise in life and having a lot of experience. Most often, she is confident in her choice, as she managed to build a strong and stable relationship with her partner even before the wedding.
How to determine the age limit for marriage: 20, 30 or 40 years? Who has the right to determine at what age and for whom
get married, how much money to spend on this ceremony and should you listen to the advice of relatives? There are no exact answers to these questions, because each person is an individual and has the right to decide what, with whom and when to do. It follows from this that if a woman decided to go down the aisle in adulthood, then it should be so, the main thing is that her chosen one has certain virtues. The rest can only rejoice and give advice regarding the preparation for this solemn event.
Usually, women over 35 and more years marry a second time. At this age, they already have children and plan to build a new personal life exclusively for themselves, and this already leaves some imprint on the specifics of the wedding. Consider what should be done in this case.
The ideal option is registration in the registry office without excessive solemnity, but using the main wedding attributes. This includes a wedding dress, dinner at a restaurant, an escort and the holiday itself. The main thing is to observe the golden mean in everything: a dress or suit can be of a light tone. There is no need to rent an entire banquet hall in a restaurant; you can limit yourself to two or three tables for ten to fifteen people; instead of a long wedding procession of a dozen cars, it is enough to order one limousine, which will accommodate all the guests along with you.
Regarding the most festive event, you can limit yourself to a solemn banquet in a narrow circle of family or friends. The toastmaster is absolutely not required, you will find something to talk about anyway. With a strong desire, you can limit yourself to a romantic dinner for two.
Of course, there are times when a mature woman marries for the first time. Then your soul will demand a beautiful holiday, it is better to listen to it and you should not deny yourself anything. Because this is your first marriage, and in adulthood, and even with your beloved man, he can be your only one, which means that you will no longer have such a celebration. Order yourself an exquisite white wedding dress, a cozy restaurant and invite your family and close friends, everyone with whom you would like to share this happy moment of your life. Let this solemn day be a fairy tale for you.
For the last 20-25 years, propaganda against the family has given its sprouts. People repeat one after another the patterns introduced in Gorbachev’s Perestroika: “Why create poverty”, “first you need to get on your feet”, “children should have everything”, “no one owes anything to anyone”, “in the West, people first make a career” ...
Now let's see what comes out of this. First of all, many begin to look at the opposite sex as an object of consumption: men look at women as an object to satisfy their sexual needs, women look at men as an object to satisfy their material needs.
Young people try to make a career and, at best, buy an inexpensive (up to 1 million rubles) foreign car on credit, and after that (F) they begin to dream of how to marry an orphan oligarch or (M) how to rob an employer in order to stop working for your uncle and start a family.
In the best case, they have their first child at the age of 35-40. Although you can't argue against nature. Both parents must be young for the child to be born healthy. Over the years, the disease only increases. I have seen a lot of foreign women who give birth after 40 - here cancerous tumors are announced, and children become freaks. Take Khakamada as an example: she gave birth after 40, down. No, you can certainly give an exceptional example of a healthy baby born at 60 years old. But understand, the chances of healthy offspring do not increase with age, but decrease. It has always been considered and promoted by doctors that the first child should appear between the ages of 18 and 30. Moreover, the man should be just as young, because both parents are involved in conception.
Well, the social moment cannot be ignored: a child whose parents are suitable for grandparents grows up closed, complex, and his parents die when he is just entering adulthood.
Therefore, do not fool yourself and your partners. If you have met the very person with whom you want to live your whole life, start a family and children as early as possible. Don't wait 35 (40, 45) years or when you can finally switch from a credit car to a normal BMW or Mercedes.
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For the last 20-25 years, propaganda against the family has given its sprouts. People repeat one after another the patterns introduced in Gorbachev’s Perestroika: “Why create poverty”, “first you need to get on your feet”, “children should have everything”, “no one should do anything to anyone ...
"/>Because it's not about the number of actions taken. When a woman takes action, she does not believe that she is worthy of happiness, she does not believe that a man will choose her, she is controlled by fear, she is afraid to be alone. Acting out of this fear, it is impossible to meet a man, and even more so to create a relationship with him.
When you think that you are a victim of circumstances, people, you fall into a sacrificial state, and this state deprives you of strength and creative energy. You are in decline. In order to attract what you want into your life, you need to be on the rise, have energy, a clear look forward, and not into the past, give up resentment towards life and claims. An empty, exhausted woman cannot be a magnet. And it is emotional fatigue and emptiness that is terrible.
If a woman wants to make up for the lack of happiness and love through a man, to solve the problem of deficiency, then the man is in no hurry to enter the life of such a woman.
Can a man be attracted to a woman who is unsatisfied and unhappy? Feel it, don't answer with your mind, feel it. What should he do in this “energy hole”, where everything you put in will disappear without a trace? It is not a man who makes a woman happy, a woman should be happy and fulfilled before a man comes into her life.
Dissatisfaction with yourself, dissatisfaction with yourself, anger at yourself, also kills the magic, and you cease to be a magnet.
And yet, how to get married?
Every thought and feeling needs energy. If you are sad about past relationships, and even plunged into these experiences, you begin to nourish the past, what is not, and what will not be. All your power flows there, all your magic.
Our female well-being and happiness depends on what thoughts we choose and where we direct our power.
If you really want to meet a man, start a family, stop thinking what to do? where to look? and where to run? Such thoughts simply kill a woman, destroy her and make her neurotic. Overexertion, anxiety and tension also indicate fear.
But how to come to this state and how to fill up, these are very important questions for any woman. Need to:
- Resolve issues with grievances, claims to life and to others;
- Get rid of past connections;
- Love yourself, treat yourself with care without criticism, without evaluation, without remaking yourself;
- Reveal feminine qualities, tenderness, gentleness, kindness;
- Give thanks for what you already have;
- Learn to relax;
- Start respecting men, accepting their masculinity;
- And most importantly, develop the habit of being happy every day, regardless of whether there is a man in your life today or not.
You say it's not an easy job? Indeed, it is very difficult to do it alone.
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Tatyana Dzutseva.
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Do you know what component of public life is the fundamental difference between us and any civilized country in the world? Of course, apart from the standard of living, social guarantees and the general indicator of happiness, which are clearly not in our favor? attitude towards marriage. This complex but important issue will be discussed below. We will try to answer, first of all, for ourselves, whether it is worth worrying about getting married after 35 years, and not when it is prescribed to be done by public opinion.
Is early marriage required?
Unfortunately, historically, marriage in our country is rather a necessity and an obligatory indicator of “success”. If you don’t have a stamp in your passport before a certain age, it means that your life didn’t work out. This is especially true for girls who, for some reason, are almost supposed to get married and have children as soon as possible. For some reason, few are interested in the opinion of the girls themselves.
It is even more surprising that this state of affairs suits the girls themselves, who agree to take on such an ungrateful role. No, being a mother and mistress of the house is also a huge job, this is not even discussed. But what about self-development? How about expanding horizons? Is it possible to see the world while standing at the stove? Obviously not, and it is unfortunate that many initially resigned themselves to this situation and do nothing to change the situation. And it is very good if your young spouse understands the situation and does not force you to stay at home. But what if he doesn't understand? Is it worth it to end the “free swimming” so early?
Statistics claim that among European countries, the states of the former USSR are leading in terms of such an indicator as " lowest age for marriage". On average, pairs of CIS countries go down the aisle in 23-24 years old, while in Western Europe this figure is in the region 30 years. Why is that? What drives young people to marry so quickly? And vice versa, why is it taking so long, by our standards, to ponder over this in the West?
What are the advantages of "late" marriages?
When a girl is going to get married after 30, she clearly understands what she wants from a man and living together with him. She is a long-established personality who has already outlined for herself a range of interests and requirements both for herself and for those around her. The same applies to men, so this kind of relationship is based on clearly defined desires and expectations - there will be no painful search for common denominators.
One of the main reasons why girls in Europe and America are in no hurry to get married early is the desire to first form as a person. What is a girl at 23-24 years old? She recently graduated from the university (in the West, she may not have graduated yet), has a maximum of a couple of years of far from the most prestigious work experience, most likely lives in a rented apartment with a girlfriend / friend. She was hardly abroad, although this statement is rather true for our realities - European students actively travel around the European Union. And now, having drawn such a portrait, can it be argued that she is ready to become a wife and mother, that she has received enough experience in family life and will be able to pass on at least some knowledge to her heir? Hardly. And most importantly - will the newly-made family be able to exist at the proper level if the girl goes on maternity leave in connection with the birth of a child, and all the maintenance will fall on the father's shoulders? Well, if he earns enough, but if not?
Western girls make a career first. 25-30 years is the best period for this. In these years, forces are still gushing out, there are a lot of unrealized ideas in my head, and they are not going to spend them on sitting at home. And they do it right. During these years, the formation of the very capital that will allow her to be absolutely independent of either the economic situation in the country or the will of the man with whom fate will bring her sooner or later takes place. And, for that matter, which will give her the opportunity to put the child on her own feet, if that's the case.
Why are our girls so popular in the West?
A reasonable question - but if European women by the age of 30 or so become successful individuals with a lot of knowledge, a successful career and a large bank account, then why do European men increasingly want to find a spouse among the girls of the CIS countries?
And this is where the difference in mentality manifests itself with might and main. Our girls, even those who want to achieve independence from a man at all costs, are not at all opposed to getting married and starting a family. They just want a man to respect their right to self-determination and take into account their opinion.
Europeans, on the other hand, more and more often completely refuse to run a household, take care of children, or make concessions in solving family problems. Quite often there are cases when they simply do not know how to do this, simply because at one time there was no time to learn this. So it turns out that it is not at all uncommon when in certain countries (Great Britain, Italy) men cook much better than women at the household level and love to do it.
And here industriousness And modesty Slavic women have long been known around the world. That being said, please don't think that Europeans are only interested in your culinary and dusting skills. You will be surprised, but in many countries of Western Europe, a man considers it his immediate duty to make his home as comfortable as possible for life, and he may simply not allow you to do this kind of work. He himself will equip it and maintain it in a functional state.
What can prevent marriage with a foreigner?
Let's hope that we got rid of the idea that getting married after 35 and later is impossible. It is not only possible to do this, but it is also more than realistic to increase the standard of your life at the same time, because it is well known that European countries offer a much wider range of opportunities for both work and leisure. Now let's discuss what can prevent you from achieving this goal. More precisely, what do you think can get in the way, because, in fact, there are simply no insurmountable obstacles.
Learn languages
When you make acquaintance with a foreigner, it is not superfluous to know the language of his country or English. The second option will be preferable at the first stages of acquaintance, when your plans for moving are still rather vague. In the civilized world, English is spoken by the vast majority of the adult population, so this is a universal option. The language of the country of your chosen one should be studied when you have already outlined your future together. This is important, do not always rely on English. In some countries (for example, in the Czech Republic) there are great patriots who believe that since you have moved to their country, you should speak with them in their language. You may even have to pass a few exams. But don't worry - quite often free language courses are organized for newcomers.
Don't worry about kids
Perhaps this will not be your first marriage, you have children, and you are afraid of how your foreign spouse will perceive them? Sweep away any doubts, your child will be completely safe, European men for the most part adore children and love to pamper them. And situations when the wife is at work, and the husband is at home with the child, are found all the time. This is also why many of them do not want to marry locals. While family vacations are one of the favorite activities throughout Europe, from the calm and balanced Finland to the emotional and energetic Italy.
Pay special attention to documents
It will take some time for you to prepare the documents. This is a necessary step, without it, nowhere. In some cases, be prepared that your future marriage will be checked for fictitiousness - you will be called for an interview, asked to show joint photos, copies of vacation receipts, and so on. Treat such procedures with understanding. Unfortunately, obtaining citizenship of one of the European countries is the only goal of many "bounty hunters".
How and where to meet a foreigner
We will not paint a lot of ineffective ways to get acquainted with citizens of other countries. Trips to a foreign country at random, "trapping" tourists, pandering - all of them turn out to be useless when it becomes clear that a man is not very eager to find a wife. We will not talk about dating sites that are overflowing with dissatisfied schoolchildren and scammers who hide behind photographs of handsome men. Until you meet in person, you will never know whether your interlocutor told the whole truth about himself. And when you meet, it will be too late - time and money have already been spent.
So we will focus on the proven and most effective, as practice shows, method - marriage agencies. After all, it is always better to seek help from professionals who have an idea of how to find single foreign men. For example, Paradise Date, the largest international agency in Kharkiv, has been organizing meetings of local girls and men from all over the world for more than seven years. The agency works with all age groups (over 18 of course) so you don't have to think about how to get married after 35 or later - just trust Paradise Date staff.
Girls are only required to provide information about themselves and take a few photos. This is important, because potential suitors will see them first. Then your profile enters the database, where only verified men can see it - those who have confirmed their free status and fully paid for the work of the agency. Girls, in turn, do not pay for anything.
Thus, the girls do not risk anything: their data remains strictly confidential, the men with whom they organize meetings are guaranteed secure and accomplished personalities, and support of various kinds (from a translator to a document consultant) is provided by Paradise Date employees. The main thing is to be confident and just be yourself. It is valued always, everywhere and by everyone, regardless of nationality.
When you are young and single, you are constantly pestered with the question: “When is the wedding?” Having learned that it will not be soon, they add: “Look, do not be late!” However, as soon as you are a little over thirty, the question begins to sound completely different - sympathetic notes are already clearly audible in it: “But you never got married, right? And why?"
Surprisingly, in our country, after thirty, an unmarried man is considered a bachelor whom young ladies dream of “ringing”, and a woman is an old maid, whose chances of getting married are even less than our football team has to win the World Cup. And all because:
1. If no one married you before thirty, then something is wrong with you.
Have you not married yet, because among the many admirers there was not the one with whom you can go through life hand in hand and feel happy? It is useless to explain it - they will not hear. We still have strong stereotypes: at twenty mom, at forty grandmother, and no retreats.
Ah, over thirty and unmarried? Everything, youth is gone! Neighbors and employees will no longer introduce you to their unmarried friends, second cousins, singles and random fellow travelers to whom you could become an ideal wife. Ahead of you is only lonely old age and evenings at the TV with the obligatory knitting of warm socks for the children of your friends. You can think about marriage for a long time, but you need to act.
Forget about traditions and stereotypes that are no longer relevant. Today, thirty years is not yet the age when there is nothing to hope for. And he certainly does not turn the girl into an old aunt with a boring character, barely seeing whom, men run across to the other side of the street. On the contrary, everything is just beginning!
A person is young and old, depending on how he feels. Thomas Mann
European ladies are also sure of this, who are in no hurry to choose the style of a wedding dress. For example, most Portuguese women marry at the age of 25, English women and Dutch women - after 28, French women - after 30. And no one chuckles, looking after them, and does not say that at this age it is necessary to urgently throw all your strength into finding a husband .
2. After thirty it is difficult to endure and give birth to a healthy baby
Of course, it is better to give birth early and after thirty think about the second child. But after all, in youth it is necessary to get an education, make a career, take place, and only then, when you no longer have ambitious aspirations, think about marriage and the birth of children.
The oldest woman in childbirth in the world was 66-year-old Romanian Adriana Iliescu, who in 2005 gave birth to a girl. The previous record was set in 2003, when 65-year-old Indian schoolteacher Satyabhama Mahapatra gave birth to a boy.
Doctors believe that if a woman does not suffer from serious illnesses, then she may well give birth after twenty-five. In addition, modern medicine has every opportunity to find out how the fetus develops, already at the beginning of pregnancy.
According to Professor John Mirowski of the University of Texas, the ideal age for having a first child is 34. It is by this age that an optimal balance is achieved between a woman's health and her material well-being. The scientist believes that with age, a woman treats her health more responsibly, behaves no longer as risky as in her 20s, and this is also an important factor. “In any case, a woman who gave birth to her first child at 34 years old will be 14 years younger for health reasons than the one who gave birth at 18 years old,” says Mirovsky. In the UK, the average age a woman has her first child is 30. Late childbirth in the West has long been considered the norm. For example, Kim Basinger became a mother after forty, and Madonna gave birth to her first child only at thirty-six, and after forty - the second.
3. There are no applicants left
It is believed that if you lasted the search for your soulmate to thirty years, then you simply will not have anyone to marry, since all suitable candidates have already been snapped up by more practical ladies.
For example, 31-year-old journalist Letizia Ortiz Rocasalano managed to turn the head of the crown prince of the Spanish throne, 35-year-old Felipe of Asturias, and 32-year-old Mary Donaldson, the daughter of a simple Scottish mathematics professor, won the heart of 35-year-old Danish Prince Frederick.
It's like being late for a sale: you come, and there are not so many things there, your size is gone, and the quality leaves much to be desired. But this is if you take a quick glance, and if you look closely, dig carefully, you can find a thing that will delight for many years.
The main thing is not to sit at home, but to be in a creative search all the time. Travel more often, communicate more with a variety of people, hope for good luck and believe in yourself.
Balzac also wrote that a thirty-year-old woman is a living mystery, and there will always be a man who wants to interpret her in the way that desires, hopes, and convictions tell him.
4. Men prefer young blondes
Even if you meet a free man, he, having learned about your age, will faint and, without leaving it, will slowly disappear like the Cheshire Cat.
Nonsense. The average age of marriage in large cities of Russia is now about thirty years. Approximately - this is "for thirty" too.
5. Habits that are hard to break
Another barrier on the way to marriage is "bachelor habits." That is, women still have chances to get married after thirty, only there is no desire anymore. Living alone becomes much more convenient - and the career is successful, and there is enough finance for all the whims, and you don’t have to wash dirty socks, and cook dinner, and share the TV remote control.
A career is a wonderful thing, but it cannot warm anyone on a cold night. Marilyn Monroe
However, any, even the most inveterate, bachelor habits completely dissolve in a gentle and loving look. My neighbor recently turned 69 years old, and she, surprisingly, took her children and grandchildren and got married. Now he and his grandfather go everywhere only together, always holding a hand and completely happy! She is a great example of the fact that at any age you can meet the man of your dreams and marry him.
At twenty, desires predominate, at thirty - the mind, at forty - common sense. Benjamin Franklin
And finally, listen to the main advice of all family psychologists: marry the person with whom you really feel good and with whom it’s not scary to grow old on the same pillow.
